I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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