I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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