She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
