they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She told me I should be a condom model.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
