Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
