I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
