Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
