put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize