i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
