When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
