Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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