we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
