I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
