YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
