Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
