Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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