I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
