Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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