Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
