So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
