i think my mom watched the whole time
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
