two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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