Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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