Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Drunk is a universal language darling
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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