PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This is my gift to your gina
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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