he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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