Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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