Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
