Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize