Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
