I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
