yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize