He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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