okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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