my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize