it wasn't lemon gatorade
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
