wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
please don't ironically join a cult
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