I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
