I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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