My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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