I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
