I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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