Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
