Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
