wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
