i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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