You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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