If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
is wine microwaveable?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
