hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
