Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
