I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
