im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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