listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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