If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
