dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
