i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
