i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
