I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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