my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
