Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
