1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
