she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
