I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
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