I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
