every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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