Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
