Umm I'm too high to move.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
