My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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