I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
