it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
