My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
