You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
