Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Your penis caused this!
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