you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
