If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
