in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
i believe in u and ur pee
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
