He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
