my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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