Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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