Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
organizing the empties. That sober.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
